The Ugly Side of Leadership

By Todd Dewett, Andersen Alumnus, author and speaker

Leadership is a noble pursuit. After many years of study, practice, and pontificating, I still believe this to be true. Do you know what else is true? There is often as much downside as there is upside. It can be ugly.

The upside includes all of these and more: a feeling of accomplishment for having earned a promotion, the joy of working with the team to accomplish goals, the satisfaction of helping others grow, increased status and power, and improved compensation. However, the downside is real too. In fact, how much upside you create is meaningfully determined by how well you manage and cope with the downside.

The often-unexpected downside includes:

You receive NO IMMEDIATE RESPECT. It is not the case that you are promoted and people begin to throw flowers at your feet as you walk by. People do not begin to blindly listen to all the wisdom you think you are espousing. They really don’t have the ability to judge you just yet. You must build new relationships and get to work. You must earn their respect.

That’s why you must remember to put TEAM BEFORE SELF. On the one hand, you’re in charge. On the other hand, try not to act like it. You have authority, but you’d rather get things done through trust and cooperation. One clear way to support this choice is to remember to always take the blame and share the credit. When the team makes a mistake, you step up and own or co-own it, with no blame in sight. When you and the team have a big win, share the credit widely with the team. If you want to hog the limelight, feel free. Just don’t expect a great team.

Here's one big reason you care about your team: sometimes your decisions don’t matter as much as you think. EXECUTION IS EVERYTHING. A mediocre decision carried out by skilled operators can have strong results. A killer decision acted upon haphazardly by an apathetic or a skill deficient team will surely fail. So use a few of my favorite rules to begin building a connected and productive team: collaborate, don’t dictate; authenticity, not acting; be the change; not the boss (these and more from my latest book Dancing with Monsters).

The challenge is that sometimes you’re not ready to lead because YOU DO NOT YET HAVE THE RIGHT SKILLS. The skills that make you successful as an individual contributor are not at all the same as the skills that make you an effective manager. First, you will need to build a deeper understanding of how the business works. Next is the really hard part for many professionals: building new communication and people skills: speaking with clarity and purpose, listening effectively, mediating conflict, showing empathy, motivating performance, etc. Congrats on your promotion but get ready for a new steep learning curve.

Oh, by the way, now YOU LIVE IN A GLASS HOUSE. You are under constant surveillance! Not because you are a suspect in a crime, but because your work is now interdependent with the work of many others. There are many moving parts in an organization and you’re now one of them. As a result, lots of people are watching you, via: data about your team and their work, your reports and presentations, what you say at meetings, and so on. So don’t be surprised when you see the next set of prying eyes.

Does this all sound like a lot? It is. That’s why LEADING IS STRESSFUL. Why bigger scrutiny? Because you are new. Because you have bigger responsibilities. Because your performance affects the standing of your team members. The stress is real and as it builds it impacts all your relationships, professionally and personally. So, stress must be managed. And I want you to have your eyes open. Typically, as you climb the ladder higher the stress gets worse – sometimes a lot worse. Do not let it surprise you.

What do you get for all this extra stress? The accolades, the pay, helping others improve – all wonderful benefits for sure. However, one of them is not more time off. The reality is that MORE SUCCESS REQUIRES MORE SACRIFICE. Time is often the biggest sacrifice. Time with your spouse, family, friends, children, your hobbies, and everything not work will decline. Is that fair? People like to debate that question, but it is usually true. In some ways you must also sacrifice time at work. Instead of working on your analysis of this and your decisions regarding that, you now must spend significantly more time coaching your team and building and maintaining relationships that will be key the key to your success.

Did I mention that sometimes EMPLOYEES ARE CRAZY? Well, only a few are actually crazy, but many seem that way since we are all very busy, often selfish, and in terms of personality and needs, we are quite different. The real challenge here is twofold. First, remember that they are your responsibility. No matter how you feel about a single individual or the group, you must find the positive perspective and engage. Second, remember to coach based on their needs, not some one size fits all approach. Some will need no real coaching, some need a little, and a few will need a lot. They are the hand you were dealt so get to work attempting to maximize their capabilities.

Given these challenges, it’s not hard to see why IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP. Leaders commonly report feeling lonely. They feel terribly exposed to others (glass house effect) and yet not so supported or understood. Everyone needs a lifeline or two. My advice is to always have at least one person at work who can talk you off the ledge and one person outside of work who can fill the same function. Don’t dwell on your loneliness. Do something about it. Pay attention to your stress levels, don’t abandon your health, know where to go to find a much-needed smile (e.g., a funny friend, a favorite movie or song), and definitely use one or both of your lifelines to connect to a little positivity and empathy.

The feeling of joy you derive from experiencing the upside of leadership is deep and fulfilling. It must be, or why would anyone continue to take on the challenges noted above? If you know these challenges exist, you’re brave enough to talk about them (e.g., peers, mental health professionals), and you’re brave enough to manage them as noted here – you’re going to develop your own helpful tactics and routines. As long as you can still believe that the experience of leading is a clear net positive, that means you’re doing a great job managing the downside. Congrats – keep leading!

Dr. Todd Dewett is one of the world’s most watched leadership personalities: a thought leader, an authenticity expert, best-selling author, top global instructor at LinkedIn Learning, a TEDx speaker, and an Inc. Magazine Top 100 leadership speaker. He has been quoted in the New York Times, TIME, Businessweek, Forbes, and many other outlets. His educational library at LinkedIn Learning has been enjoyed by over 30,000,000 professionals in more than one hundred countries in eight languages. Visit his home online at www.drdewett.com or connect with Todd on LinkedIn. He can be reached at todd@drdewett.com