Stress is both an objective reality and a subjective experience that can be managed. Whether you're talking about a crazy client expectation, a difficult relationship, job insecurity, or any of many other stressors we might list, their impact is variable depending on choices you make. Your choices matter.
Many experts like to talk about building resilience and related ideas. I know I have. To be clear, the goal is not to make you impervious to everything around you. The goal is to help you build strength to deal with them while also being proactive in how you think about them and react to them. We're not trying to condition you to take more and more and more. We'd like to show you how to create space to think more productively about how you might manage the stressor.
There is, of course, no magic bullet but there are some behaviors that we know are helpful. Cumulatively, they can often help a lot. I’ve made courses on this topic, as have many others with lots of great advice to share. However, a lot of it can be boiled down to the following. So, take a minute and consider your choices regarding the following behaviors.
Managing your exposure. If we're referring to some aspect of the work you do, sometimes you can't shield yourself from it. It's your job, although, long term, you can pursue ways to shape your role differently that might help. When we're discussing people, I’m not saying run and hide, not at all. Just don’t interact more than needed. Don't initiate conversation. Don't respond at length if they do. Excuse yourself politely and get back to work. There is however one exception…
Managing the stressor. If you believe you must change the situation or that there are decent odds you could create positive change, then plan and engage a good positive and private conversation. Please note that whether you're trying to change how you approach a task or interact with a person, this is far from risk-free – but is sometimes well worth it.
Building self-awareness. When you start to feel negative in a situation (again, task or person doesn't matter), you can learn to become aware of that. Choose to use the experience as a signal, a cutoff, an indicator that you should disconnect from the situation and regroup so that you don't experience any higher levels of negativity or cause yourself any unnecessary new challenges.
Building a routine. The more you build self-awareness, the faster you can start using a regular routine that helps. I'm referring to a standard routine or ritual you engage when you hit a certain level of discomfort. Maybe someone says something triggering, or a client acts inappropriately, or a task is very unexpectedly difficult. Take a deep breath and hit the routine. For example: Stand up, stretch, take a short walk, grab some fresh water, and repeat something positive in your mind. Then go sit back down and try again. There are millions of versions of this that might involve food, exercise, changing tasks, connecting with someone positive, and so on. Don't be caught off guard. Be ready with the routine that works for you.
Taking perspective. It's important to see any challenge in context. Try to remember that it has been worse. Remember that this too shall pass. Maybe most importantly remember that you have many blessings to count. You will survive this thing no matter how heavy it feels in the moment. The simple act of remembering these ideas adds needed perspective that helps you move forward.
Managing your health. There's so much good information here that gets ignored all the time. I won't elaborate except to say that the quality of your diet, exercise habits, and sleep have a huge impact on how you weather the storm when stress hits. Just consider these two simple ideas: First, never allow yourself to over rely on traditional coping mechanisms like booze and ice cream. Empower someone to keep you honest. Second, don't think you have to become a nutritionist or a marathoner. Small positive changes add up. Just start taking a walk or eliminating one bad food.
Finally, getting support. That might take different forms: quality time with good people, someone to informally talk to so you can vent, or a professional of the appropriate variety. The only bad option is choosing none of these when you know you need support. There is no need to go it alone.
So, at the risk of sounding like your parents, make good choices! Collectively these things all build resilience and deeper self-awareness around the issues that create stress in your life. With a little more resilience, a little more self-awareness, and a new more thoughtful approach, you can get a grip on stress.
No doubt, I’ve left out something that deserves attention. So, what is your experience? What helps you when things get particularly stressful?
Stress is a universal experience for all of us, so know that you're not alone and that you can make a difference with your thoughts and behaviors. Managing stress is difficult but it is a skill you can build, choice by choice – and you'll be happy you did so. Good luck!